[Opensim-users] ☑the latest info

[ferguson]

Hey! 

Have you read the latest news?  Just take a look, it's something worthy http://www.redoakmusic.com/blues-guitar-jam-tracks/fleet.php?9b9a

Pardon my monkey thumbs, ferguson



From: opensim-users [mailto:opensim-users at opensimulator.org]
Sent: Sunday, April 30, 2017 4:08 AM
To: ferguson at dvandva.com
Subject: This is funny?

Have you ever had a kitten or  puppy? When they're young, they have allllll kinds of bad behavior. Correcting them when they're  young  is best,  before the wrong things turn into habits, but you can do it with adults if you're persistent.

The same works  with  people. You can influence her behavior just  as  she is  influencing yours. The difference is, you can do it openly and consciously. You can tell her "Look, these  things are problems, they are poison  to me and  to our relationship, and we're going to start changing them  starting  now."

Do your  best to recognize manipulative behavior. Call her out  on it. Spray  her with the metaphorical squirt  gun. Remove  the power.  With my ex, I even started laughing at her when she  would try  to pull something like that. Make it clear  that you don't take  childish crap seriously. At the same time, check your  own behavior and try to determine if there are things you're doing that aren't fair  or are  otherwise  poisonous to  your relationship.  If you find them, mention them, address  them, even apologize for them if necessary (but only apologize once, don't  give her the idea that you're somehow  paying  penance for something). 

You will get a response. It may  not be the response you want, but it  will be  the response she is able to give. In my situation, it wasn't  the response I wanted, but it was a  clear enough response that I knew  things would never  improve.

Second, but just as importantly,  is to address your autonomy. Being married doesn't make "2 into 1" or whatever Boyz-2-Men song you want to throw at it. You're still two individuals who now share goals, responsibilities, and commitment. It is **necessary** for you to choose your  own friends, it is **necessary** for you to be able to spend time with those  friends, and  it is **necessary** that you have your privacy, including  from  your spouse.


You really do have to un-learn a  bunch of crap after being in  the military.  The social structure there is fucked up.  There is a reason veterans are over-represented in mental health  statistics.  You have  to get into your head  that you are important as an individual, not just as part of something else.

I'm not  saying  to  rush  out and leave or anything, but discard those  feelings of debt for feeling like a better person. Time served. She  got as much  out of that time  as  you did, trust me on that.

Make  sure she knows you want  things to work. Talk about the online resources you've found,  address those  10 slides and talk about how  you  fit their  descriptions.


Life is too damn short  and  precious  to  spend having a shitty time.


Sent from Mail for Windows 10
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